When I decided to start blogging, I intentionally did not tell family or friends the name of my blog. I wanted to be able to write in private. I didn't want to have to worry about people I love reading my thoughts.
I don't have a lot of privacy in my life. I consider this my own personal domain and it is very private. I thought I might share private thoughts, problems, and things I may have or have not done.
But now that the topic of confession has come up, I feel frightened at the thought of baring my heart.
In one of the posts a fictional man gave a confession to a priest. The confession made the priest speechless. I wish I could be brave enough to confess to the priest.
Ten minutes have passed since I started writing, I am trying to decide if I should confess and what I would confess. Dumb. I should just do it.
Ten more minutes and a trip to the kitchen for a snack. I think I am postponing my decision.
Nope, sorry, can't do it. I thought maybe just one little item I could let go of, but it seems to not be happening tonight.
Writing usually makes me happy and relaxed. I love to have my thoughts flow unto the page or in this case the screen. Tonight the thought of confessing has me weighted down. It has given me shakes in my stomach. I am having nightmares while being wide awake. I am remembering too much.
I must not be ready to let go of the things I need to confess. Maybe I should start with my priest and then try this again.
If God can forgive me, then I should be able to forgive myself. Even in the privacy of a blog.